let me lay it out for ya'

So I realize that a lot of people don't even really know what Ava Michelle and I are doing for the next five months of our lives. Typically that would have been my first blog post but clearly I had other things on my mind for that one.
If you don't already know this about me, you will quickly learn that I love lists. So here you go...

Nov. 13: leave for Zambia!!!
Nov. 14 - Jan. 12: Livingstone, Zambia

• Ava Michelle and I will both be working at Heart Spring Orphanage during the weekdays- helping cook, cleaning, playing with the kids, tutoring, etc.         (http://www.heartspringorphanage.org/)
• After we get off work and on the weekends, we can explore the city of Livingstone (where we will be living and basically a bit of a rundown tourist spot), visit Victoria Falls, or go on a safari!
• We are living in a hostel in Livingstone, that's all I know.

Jan. 12 - Jan. 18: Cape Town, South Africa

• We realized we have a 10 day gap between our volunteer placements so we decided to spend part of it in Cape Town just relaxing and enjoying the lack of a schedule.

Jan. 19 - mid March (no ticket has been bought yet): Phnom Penh, Cambodia

• We are both living with a family in the city.
• Ava Michelle is teaching English.
• I am working with an organization called International Cooperation Cambodia doing Social Work stuff with orphanages.                            (http://www.icc.org.kh/activities/sky)

mid March - early April: Visiting some family friends in the Philippines.

early April: America bound!!!

As far as progress on pre-trip planning, we are pretty much good to go! We will buy our plane tickets to the Philippines and back home right before we leave. *FYI: the best time to get international plane tickets is 4 months and 1 week before departure date.* Then comes the packing list and trying to fit everything into the 2 bags I have allotted myself. Until then, just enjoying time with friends and trying to get everything squared away for the 5 months I'll be gone. 

belong to today.

All the pieces are falling together.
Maybe not logistically speaking- that's all been under control for a while. But more in the way of me learning and understanding what this next stage of my life is all about & why God has pulled me in the direction that He has.

Overseas

to 2 third world countries

for 5 months

to love.

To love the fatherless. the neglected. the forgotten.

To serve the illiterate. the sick. the poor. 
To show the lost & the broken that there is a security and a belonging that can only exist in & with & through God the Father. And after two months with orphaned children in Zambia, whether they ever even think of me again or not, I pray that they know- truly know- that they will never be alone and they are always, ALWAYS loved.

I've struggling with that word...     BELONGING    ...a lot lately. As I planned for, entered into, navigated, and evaluated this time of transition between college/camp and missions, I was really unsure what the purpose of three months of "living the dream" looked like. It's not as easy as it may seem. As an extrovert (self-proclaimed & publicly-supported), I got lonely a good bit. No one else was in the same boat as me. All of my closest friends are getting married, getting big kid jobs, still in school, or sleeping in grass huts in Asia. I no longer led the familiar lifestyle of a college student- living with my best friends and having things to do all the time. But I also couldn't commit to a regular job since I only had three months in America. 
In short, I didn't belong. Or at least that's what I felt like. I've spent most of my life being a little different- the girl who's okay to spend Friday night at home with her parents or the one who will go to any lengths (and take a lot of grief) to recycle, or the one who is perfectly fine with the idea of getting married "eventually". But this time, "different" didn't seem so great. Rather than feeling independent, I felt lonely. And rather than feeling lucky, I found myself longing for the sense of purpose that all of my friends seemed to have.
Yesterday, when I was reading on the website for ICC-SKY (the organization I am working with in Cambodia), I came across this...

"...over 500 young adult orphans revealed that they fear discrimination, victimisation, joblessness, homelessness and even starvation once they leave the orphanage. Many believe that society does not value them and they fear they no longer have the skills to be part of an outside community."

And that's when I realized what all of this was for and why this transition, this lull, had to happen before I could go abroad. It wasn't that my friends were moving on without me or that I was wasting precious productivity time. God was and still is preparing me to identify with these children. I have led such a blessed life- a loving family that extends far beyond blood, numerous circles of wonderful friends, health, security, opportunity, etc. And while I will never know what it feels like to be abandoned nor malnourished, I now know what it feels like to not really belong. To see all these places in which I used to be a part or where I might be in the future, knowing that right now, today, I don't fit- it's tough. It's tough to wait, to fill time with preparations & explanations & conversations (well that's not too tough), until you get to go where you know you are supposed to be. Sometimes, it's tough to live in the present without wishing that "what's next" will hurry up and come. Sometimes it's hard to be patient.

But today is beautiful, perfect or not, it is beautiful. Busy or not, alone or not, comfortable or not, it is beautiful. I think that's what God needed me to realize before I left. Three months of free time, more or less, was just what I needed to spend time with the people I love, to make arrangements for life after April, and to rest in the fullness of God's grace and trust in His Plan. Knowing and believing and resting in that truth is the first step in teaching these orphans that no matter how awful & sad & lonely their past has been, it's over. And no matter how exciting & "better" tomorrow seems, it's not yet come. What we have is today. We belong in today- where we are with who we are surrounded by. And whatever insecurities or doubts we have, they are nothing compared to the greatness and the fullness of the worth we have in Jesus Christ. For it is through God we are redeemed and by him we called

"Beloved, beloved children".